Wednesday, March 17, 2010

she's alive!

I'm sorry I've been so M.I.A., guys. I have lots of things to talk about now that I'm back from my midterm-induced blogging hiatus. But first, "Reflection" part three. Hope you like it!

“No, Lindsay, stop.” She held up one hand. “I’m not sleeping with Devin! How could you even think that?”

“What else am I supposed to think? You go off with this guy and I’m supposed to think you were sitting around watching Disney movies?”

She smiled. “We did watch The Lion King.”

I stared at her. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m trying to explain! Devin’s just a friend. See, what happened was—um, Logan’s being deployed next year.” She said this very fast, and bit her lip. Her words hung in the air.

I felt my mouth drop open. “Deployed? When did you find out? How long? Where?”

“I found out last night. He’s going to Afghanistan…Army deployments there are usually about fifteen months…” She took several deep breaths and I could tell she was trying not to bawl. “So Devin’s been helping me deal with it, kind of. He slept on the floor,” she added quickly. “He’s just easy to talk to. It’s a distraction.”

I sat in the dark, trying to process what she’d just told me. Ainsley’s boyfriend was being deployed. I’d never been Logan’s biggest fan, but he was nice enough, and – damn, he could die over there. This was serious.

“So why didn’t you tell me?” I blurted out, and felt my face flush. There. I said it. It sounded incredibly childish, kind of like when your best friend in kindergarten gets a new best friend, and you feel left out. “I mean, I could’ve helped you deal with it.”

Ainsley just looked at me. “You spend every moment in my presence nagging at me. And when you’re not nagging, I can see the scowl on your face. I get the hint, Lindsay. I’m not Ms. Perfect. But do you really think I want to confide in someone who’s always criticizing me?” Her voice rose in pitch, and the tears started coming for real this time. “You’re always judging me. I just needed someone to listen.”

I stared straight ahead at Devin’s nice, blue house as Ainsley cried. She cried for what seemd like hours, and I just sat there. Finally, I turned slowly to her. “Ains?” She enveloped me in one of her massive bear hugs, and suddenly I was crying, too. We sat holding each other, snotty hiccupy messes in that cold November darkness, and it was like we were two little girls again, comforting each other after a bad day of being bullied on the playground. Suddenly, I had my sister back. I pulled back from her and saw myself in those brown eyes. She smiled slightly.

“You know, I really missed you,” I blurted out, then realized she’d said the exact same thing.

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