nightmare on susie's street

I've had lots of things on my mind lately that I've been meaning to blog about, but I haven't gotten around to it thanks to midterms last week.

Firstly, a topic that is amusing to some and sympathetic to others: my reaction to a little slasher film known as Nightmare on Elm Street. If you know anything about me, you'll know that I stopped watching scary movies a long time ago. My best friend loves them, so I used to hesitantly watch them with her, but I put my foot down when I was in high school. What's so fun about having the pants scared off you? If I want to feel scared or uneasy, I'll turn on the news. I like happy films that take me away from reality.

So, I have been very content with my horror movie-free diet these past few years. Until last Friday. I vaguely remembered seeing it listed on our syllabus, but it wasn't ringing any bells. Nightmare on Elm Street...Nightmare on Elm Street...oh yeah, isn't that the movie that has the misleadingly scary title but actually isn't scary?

It dawned on me, as the first girl of the film was being slashed to bits - blood flying in arcs across the screen - that the movie I'd been thinking of was The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

So what's Nightmare on Elm Street about? Oh, nothin' much...no big deal...just the infamous serial killer, Freddy Kruger. Who likes to kill his victims in their dreams, so it's not safe to sleep.

Oh, did I mention that my parents happened to be out of town that week, happily sailing through the Bahamas, so I had the displeasure of going home to an empty house that night?

Horror movie + empty house + wild imagination = disaster.

Thankfully, my good friend did me a favor and stayed with me that night so I didn't die of cardiac arrest every time the cuckoo clock went off. I still had trouble getting to sleep, though. Every time I closed my eyes I saw that terrible burned face, heard the horrific sound of his razor-blade nails scraping through his victims...

What kind of class would have such a movie on its syllabus, you ask? Is it a study of horror films? Um, no. It's an adolescent lit class (and the name should be changed to adolescent media, obviously). I asked my [crazy, demented, Disney-hating] teacher today, "Why did we watch Freddy Freaking Kruger in your class?"

She replied, "To show how the protagonist, Nancy, survives until the end of the film by remaining androgynous and not portraying typical gender roles. The girly girl died first."

Oh, okay. That makes sense. I mean, there aren't lots of other ways to show girl power and ideas of feminism other than Nightmare on Elm Street, or anything.

For the record, my teacher isn't crazy and demented. I was certainly cursing her on Friday night, but she's actually pretty cool, very smart and funny. I just think she should take into consideration, when compiling her syllabus, that some of us actually HATE horror movies.

Some people have been sympathetic to my plight, whereas others have cocked their eyebrows and scathingly said, "But it's not real. You big baby." No, it's not real, but my subconscious doesn't know that. Jerks.

So, the moral of this blog post: if you haven't seen Nightmare on Elm Street, don't.

Everyone have a happy, magical, non-disturbing day!